I have enjoyed many nights of falling asleep to movies in my dorm with my roommate Jessika Ilgen over the period of fall term. I have also enjoyed being able to walk to the beach whenever I feel capable, being able to play ultimate frisbee with really awesome people on Tuesday nights, going to Left Coast Youth Group with Kymie and Korie and attempting to build relationships with the students there, being able to meet a lot of people who live in Washington, and being able to learn in depth Bible knowledge. I will miss the comments I get from people about my hair and being able to just sit in the loft on my computer reading my Bible and listening to Pandora. I will miss meeting with all the girls in my dorm and "praying for our future husbands" and our lives on Monday nights. I will miss working for the conference center and looking out at the ocean during the rain storms.
This last week I was praying for God's provision and miracles in my life. The last couple of months being here I was struggling a lot with knowing/feeling God's presence in my life. I wasn't praying for myself and I was becoming tired of hearing the answer "No" from God. The answer "no" wasn't even what I was hearing, I heard silence. I heard nothing and I felt like God was distant from me, only because I was distant from Him. This week God placed 2 really cool woman of God deep into my life and into my heart, our relationships may be kind of shallow right now but I look forward to next term with them (Kymie and Kristina). I know I am coming back next term after God providing me the rest of the money I will need for tuition after I do a little bit more fund raising and work! PRAYER IS REAL!
I read the book "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S Lewis this last week and God directed my thoughts toward my mother. She has been someone I have been praying for since before I was a Christian. She has been in and out of jail my entire life and she has had a rough time trying to get sober for a long period of time. I have praying for her for a long time and also while I've been here at Ecola. The first couple weeks of me being here I found out from her that she was tested positive for Hep. B and she could possibly have cancer. I fell apart. I have hated my mom for a huge part of my life. Hate is a strong word and as a Christian I have been encouraged to start feeling Love towards her. I would hate for my mom to die without forgiveness or an understanding between us. So I got my girls dorm to pray for her and she called me back to tell me that her Hep. B test was a false positive, and she also said she has a tumor on her uterus and it's NOT cancerous. She has been taking care of my grandfather and hanging out with my little brother, that is something that means a lot to me. The book "Screwtape Letters" helped me see that Satan is not Omniscient and his power can't touch God's omnipotence. Demons are doing Satan's work. They are looking for our weak spots in our lives, they are tormenting us be immersing us in the world. As I read this I could only think about a spoken word poem I listen to often called "Almost" be a PC4M poet named Ezekiel. In his poem he says, "Satan only tells lies when they are almost the truth." I have spent my entire life praying for my mom and right now she is doing well; she is sober and she is interested in God and salvation. The other times my mom tried to get sober I believe that was demons allowing her to grow just to be torn down again. This time I want to say that GOD is going to answer my prayer and actually save my mom from herself. BUT IF NOT (Daniel 3:18) I want to be able to continue to have faith that God has an amazing plan for her, and for me. I never want to doubt or lose hope in God ever again. I want to always remember the characteristics of God and know that all humans will fall short of His glory. I will be disappointed but I will also disappoint others and I need to accept that my family isn't perfect and in doing so I need to remember to show love.
Peace and Joy,
Krysta Hoskins
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